What Is Confidence, Really?

Celicia Shand | Winston Ben Clements

The night before the Facebook Live event, Celicia ironically drew the “Confidence” card from her Teal Swan’s frequency deck that she uses to guide her meditations. She explains, “my mind was completely blown; but I guess I should have expected it because if I was thinking and vibrating on the topic of confidence, then it was only right that I drew the corresponding card from my deck!” Celicia used what she learned from the card to guide her conversation with Winston during the Facebook Live event.

In case you missed Celicia and Winston’s Facebook Live, here are the 3 key takeaways from the discussion:

What is confidence?

Confidence is the sense of assurance you get when you know you have done the work. Winston gave an example of how he was always confident about exams, because he commited a lot of time to studying. However, he was not so confident asking out girls because he used to avoid those situations!

You can compare confidence to a muscle. If you exercise this muscle it gets stronger and if you don’t, it gets weak and loose. We all have what it takes to build confidence in any area of our lives. The only thing that sets one person apart from another, is the amount of time and energy they commit to working out this muscle.

2. What are the factors that might be affecting your confidence?

Limiting beliefs can affect your confidence. These beliefs could even stem from your upbringing. For example a parent encouraging their child with sports but not giving them the same encouragement with their studies or vice versa. The result could be that the child grows up feeling confident in one area but struggling in other areas because of what they have been taught to believe.

It’s important to be mindful of the ideas we plant in each other, and especially in children because these ideas will eventually manifest into core beliefs. Core beliefs are tricky because they can convince us that it’s too risky to try something new when in reality, these are not universal truths. Poor core beliefs can cause us to become stagnant and blind to other possibilities. When we realize we have these kinds of blocks, it can be an indication that we need to do some inner work and go deep within to make the necessary adjustments.

Fear of failure. For example someone who grew up in a really critical household might suffer from a lack of confidence because they associate their mistakes with being unacceptable and worry about the harsh criticism that might follow. These fears can become embedded in your subconscious mind, and stop you from taking a leap of faith, because you no longer have the confidence to try new things. You might start to associate taking a risk as opening up the potential of failure which can possibly put you back to the feeling of being unacceptable and coming under attack. Winston shared his quote that states “you cannot win big by playing small” to encourage us to conquer our fears, because it is the only way we can excel in any area of our lives.

Not knowing your strengths could also be affecting your confidence. If you are working in an area you are not good at and you are constantly failing, how are you supposed to build confidence in that? It’s important to take time to reflect and identify where your strengths lie, because it is much easier to build confidence in the things that you are naturally good at. Celicia shared a book by Tom Rath titled Strengths Finder that provides a practical way of discovering your natural strengths and attributes. This book will help you identify your strengths, to build them up and to gain more confidence in anything that you choose to work on.

3. How do you overcome a lack of confidence?

We all need to continue to exercise our confidence muscle and one of the best tools for this is embracing FEAR! In fact, every single muscle that makes up your “mental body” only needs fear to make it stronger. There is a famous quote by Susan Jeffers that states, “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Instead of running away from fear, embrace it as an opportunity to develop confidence in any area of your life.

Funny enough in the majority of cases, the things that we fear rarely come to fruition and even when they do, it is never as catastrophic as we had imagined. That’s why one of the most popular acronyms for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real!

BONUS: Something to try…

For the next 7 days when something does not go your way don’t take it as a “No” but take it as a “Not Yet” instead. A No will cause your confidence to be shaken but a Not Yet means that you can keep going, you can try something different, you can take that leap of faith - and eventually you WILL succeed!

Let us know in the comments any further tips and tricks that have enabled you to build your confidence - we would love to hear from you!

You can find a link to the full Facebook Live Video on this topic here.

Celicia Shand Celicia is a Certified Professional Life Coach for expanding your awareness and deepening your level of self-love. - www.continuedexpansion4life.com

Winston Ben Clements Winston is a Professional Speaker and Coach with a mission to show you that your limitations are just an illusion. -www.winstonclements.com